all these years tat shes been gone from my/our live/lives, i have never really mentioned or cried in front of anybody about how much i missed her smell, missed her smile, missed her voice and hugs. one thing i missed most is the touch of her hand and the way she always assures me that everything will be just fine.
Nenek. the one who raised me up and saw me thru my years, thru my growing years. she left when my life was in some rollercoaster ride, thats when i needed her the most. but i knew i cant be selfish and make her go thru my pain wit me as she always do for the past 24 years of my life then. i knew then that i have to learn to let go of the clingy thing i had with her and went on to look for something or someone to hold on to before she pass on. and everyday i prayed that i wont see her breathe her last cos i dun wanna keep that memory, i just wanna keep her alive in me, so yeah God granted me that prayer. She breathed her last and i onli saw her as she lay down there, motionless. i couldnt cry as hard as i wanted to, cos i didnt want her to die, i didnt want her to leave, and of cos i was in denial that she has really left. until today altho i will have any opportunity to visit her grave, i didnt want to. i cant stand the fact that i be standing in front of some bricks and grass and my beloved MOM is 7 feet below and i cant hug her or smell her as much as i want to.
i couldnt have nenek witness my wedding. i still remember how we talked abt it, how i planned to have her sit beside my pelamin so that everyone can see who my grandma/mum is. gosh. my tears rolled as i type all these.
i couldnt have nenek by my side as i hold my newborn son to show her her great grandchild from me, but i didnt fail to whisper in the wind as i first held Idhan Akil in my arms : Nenek, ini anak dayu, cicit nenek.. dayu tau nenek ada dengan kita.. dayu tau kalau nenek ada, nenek mesti sayang dia mcmana nenek sayang dayu.. .
and so today, as i hear news abt hubs granma surviving her final hours of life, and as i visited her in hospital earlier, i cant help feelin wat i felt 4 years plus ago.
Oh Allah, pls make this smooth for her.. jus as how you made it smooth for my Nenek. pls protect her and put her in the best places.
Amin ya rabbal alamin.
Nenek. the one who raised me up and saw me thru my years, thru my growing years. she left when my life was in some rollercoaster ride, thats when i needed her the most. but i knew i cant be selfish and make her go thru my pain wit me as she always do for the past 24 years of my life then. i knew then that i have to learn to let go of the clingy thing i had with her and went on to look for something or someone to hold on to before she pass on. and everyday i prayed that i wont see her breathe her last cos i dun wanna keep that memory, i just wanna keep her alive in me, so yeah God granted me that prayer. She breathed her last and i onli saw her as she lay down there, motionless. i couldnt cry as hard as i wanted to, cos i didnt want her to die, i didnt want her to leave, and of cos i was in denial that she has really left. until today altho i will have any opportunity to visit her grave, i didnt want to. i cant stand the fact that i be standing in front of some bricks and grass and my beloved MOM is 7 feet below and i cant hug her or smell her as much as i want to.
i couldnt have nenek witness my wedding. i still remember how we talked abt it, how i planned to have her sit beside my pelamin so that everyone can see who my grandma/mum is. gosh. my tears rolled as i type all these.
i couldnt have nenek by my side as i hold my newborn son to show her her great grandchild from me, but i didnt fail to whisper in the wind as i first held Idhan Akil in my arms : Nenek, ini anak dayu, cicit nenek.. dayu tau nenek ada dengan kita.. dayu tau kalau nenek ada, nenek mesti sayang dia mcmana nenek sayang dayu.. .
and so today, as i hear news abt hubs granma surviving her final hours of life, and as i visited her in hospital earlier, i cant help feelin wat i felt 4 years plus ago.
Oh Allah, pls make this smooth for her.. jus as how you made it smooth for my Nenek. pls protect her and put her in the best places.
Amin ya rabbal alamin.
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